Parenting a Child with Trichotillomania
A Mother’s Story of Unconditional Love
By Elizabeth S.
“I found an eyelash on Juliette’s five-year-old cheek and told her to make a wish.”
Months later, she had pulled out all of her eyelashes. I was desperate for answers. I brought my mom for emotional support to speak with a doctor. The psychologist told us she had trichotillomania, there was no cure, no generally accepted treatment. This wasn’t a phase. She wouldn’t grow out of it. “Statistically, trich is a lifelong condition,” he said. “Maybe she’ll want to grow her hair for senior prom,” he assumed. But she was five. She wasn’t thinking about prom. I said, “So what should i do for her now?”
He replied, “your job is to make it as hard as possible for her to pull. Band Aids on her fingers, Vaseline on her eyebrows, sew mittens on her pajama sleeves.” The list was endless. If she couldn’t stop herself, I should stop her, he advised.
My mother and I left and sat in silence until she said, “I hope you didn’t listen to a word that man said.
Your job, as her mother, is to love her unconditionally, support her, and be her safe place to fall. If you try and control what she cannot control, you will only damage your relationship with her.
When prom rolls around and she wants to stop pulling….who will she go to for help? You need to be on this journey with her, on the same team, from the beginning.”
I agreed.
Juliette is now 13 and this is what I’ve learned:
I can’t control her pulling but I can control how I react to it.
I can’t control society’s beauty standards but I can make sure she knows she’ll always be perfect in my eyes.
I can’t control awkward situations but I can help her respond and take them in stride.
I can’t control the cruelty of her peers, but I can make sure she’s safe and accepted at home.
I can’t control her shame but I can be damn sure I’m not shaming her.
I can’t control her tears, but I can wipe them away.
I can’t control her progress, obstacles or victories. But if I’m here for ALL of it, then I get to share in her joys too.
For more information on parenting a child with trichotillomania, visit The TLC Foundation for helpful resources and stories.
